If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts or follow me on Instagram then you know about my battle with ptsd, depression and anxieties. Such a dark time with night terrors, flashbacks, depression that left me in bed most days unable to care for myself or my family, suicidal ideations, weight loss and a pillow filled with tears. Yet still, I cannot deny that it has also brought so much good.

During the manic episode my love for nature was remembered. My real home here on earth. Where I lose my fears, anxieties, sadness, grief and instead I see how small my problems are and how big God is. How beautiful and intentional he created nature to be for us. How incredibly restorative it is to pause on the responsibilities of this life and lose yourself in his creation.

To reacquaint yourself with the unpaved paths, the scent of floral trees picked up by the air that surrounds your body and fills your breath. To hear their whisper as they brush against each other to welcome you home. Where conversation has depth but words are never spoken. Where you’re dreaming vividly, with your eyes open. To place your hand in a stream with a current and feel it dance and curl between your fingers.

I am homesick when I am away, can you understand why?

I know what it means to be so devoid of life that you beg and plead with God to take it. I don’t have instructions for a way out, everyone’s journey is different. Though two journeys can have commonalities they can never be the same. Faithfully love those with souls that are at war and you will discover that it is everyone you can love.

17 thoughts on “Her real home. 

  1. “where conversation has depth, but words are never spoken.” this is beautiful ❤ honestly getting outside has saved me from feeling stuck/depressed so many times! During pregnancy and now with my little squirt to tag along. God made this gorgeous world for us to enjoy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As I have been reading your posts I sometimes feel like it is myself you are referring to through a looking glass perspective. I can relate to many of these posts. Thank you so much for being so willing to be humble and raw in sharing your heart and experiences. It is so good to know that I am not alone in my similar struggles! 🙂 Your posts are truly inspiring! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tiffany, this was just beautiful. It resonates with me….Diving deep into nature and reconnecting like I once did as a little girl is how I started to learn how to clear my own clouds as well. In nature everything is gentle, slow, but right on time. It connects me to myself, parts I had forgotten and there’s nothing else that does it for me. Like you said, hands in the stream, bare feet to the ground. I’m convinced our souls need this and I truly feel God designed it that way💛 So lovely. You are such a beautiful soul, mama. Xoxo

    Like

  4. Tiff, I knew from the start when I stumbled upon your Instagram page that you are such a beautiful person inside and out and I HAD TO GET TO KNOW YOU. We relate on so many levels but also differ in many ways that it helps me understand and love you even more! I love how appreciating God’s natural wonders in nature is just so good for the soul. That is what helped me the most when I was going through pregnancy depression and post-partum. I always love seeing your posts! You are inspiring.

    Like

  5. Wow this is amazing. So vulnerable for sharing your battle like that but I’m so happy you were able to find yourself again in nature and find joy in those simple things! ❤

    Like

  6. I love this. Your description is so vivid, I truly felt like I was right there with my hands in that current. You’re beautiful mama. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s